Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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