I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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