Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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