If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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