she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
