I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
this boner is exhausting
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
