he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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