Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
