I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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