got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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