I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
