the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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