I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
