I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
