Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize