Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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