I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
where are you?
Hypothermia
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
