DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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