So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
