the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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