Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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