she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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