What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i think i have two assholes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
