is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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