Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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