Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
