Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
