u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
