Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize