Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize