I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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