1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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