The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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