just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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