you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
