i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You need a sexual gate keeper
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
