I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
