Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
