debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
