Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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