My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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