She's JV to your varsity
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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