I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize