last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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