Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
