i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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