first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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