Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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