I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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