I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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