I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Michael Bay diarrhea
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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