Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
