He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
