I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
