I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
