I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
