Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
