I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
