only if we run a train.
done.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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