Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Let's get the cat blown out
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
