I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
