After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
