we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
