Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
