It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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