I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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