you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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