Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
