I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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