Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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