I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
