It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
