I bet he comes in French.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
