stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
