and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
