The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
