The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
