I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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